Itchy Butts and Manual Hygiene

There are times when I truly enjoy conversations with my
15-year old son. Last week, walking back home from the
beach, we enjoyed a hilarious, albeit disgusting, conversation
about the guy walking next to his mother about 20 yards ahead
of us. My son noticed that the guy was scratching inappropriately
in public. It was all downhill from there:



Mohamed:  Oh, Dude!
Me:   What?
Mohamed:   (pointing) That guy keeps scratching his butt while
                     he's walking.
Me:               (noticing the knuckle-deep scratch and pull effort)
                     Whoa! That's just nasty.
Mohamed:   Yeah, well, he's been going at it for the last block
                     and a half.
Me:    Yes, but has he sniffed yet?
Mohamed:    You think he will? Scratch and sniff, I mean?
Me:     It's human nature. He'll sniff.
Mohamed:     Nah, I think he's done. He just put his hand in his
                      pocket.
Me:                Looks like the right hand is tired from all that action.
                      Check out the left hand.
Mohamed:    Maybe his other cheek is itching now.
Me:    Do you SEE why your father goes straight to the
                      bathroom to wash his hands before he even says
                      hello to us when he comes home at night?
Mohamed:    Are you saying he scratches his butt in public?
Me:    NO! Look at the dude now!
Mohamed:    Oh my god! He's got his hand INSIDE the pants now!
                       That's just disgusting.
Me:    At least he's not holding his mom's hand.
Mohamed:    How many men in their 20's hold their moms' hands?
Me:     I'm just saying.

((Then a man and his wife walk up to Mr. Itchy Ass and his mother.))

Me:     I'm TOTALLY going to puke now.
Mohamed:     Did he just shake hands with that man after pulling his
                       hand out of the back of his shorts????!
Me:     Oh yeah....and he sniffed the back of his hand. I told you.
Mohamed:     I'm NEVER shaking hands with anyone again.