Redneck Home Beauty Secrets

It's been about three months since I've removed that blonde handle
bar mustache above my lip. While living in the Middle-East, it really
wasn't that big a deal. I'd go to any beauty salon and pay about 7
pounds (roughly $1.20) and have any unsightly facial hairs removed
with thread. (They twist up the thread and rip those suckers out by
the roots.) Now that I'm back in the U.S. and well, basically broke,
I can't afford to go to a beauty salon for this treatment or waxing and
certainly not electrolysis.

I tried tonight to do it myself with the thread but I couldn't figure it
out. So I did what any girl of Southern upbringing would do. I got
out a roll of duct tape and worked my magic. I pulled off a strip and
smoothed it down on my mustache area and then...ripped it off. WOO
NELLY! It was like the whole "pull the bandage off quickly and it won't hurt" thing....only
without the "and it won't hurt" part. But I'd started and had to finish. So I did this about twelve
more times and then had to stop because the tape wouldn't stick anymore due to the tears
running out of my eyes. And my upper lip was horribly red. I wondered should I have just
left the blonde mustache there. I mean, now I've got this ridiculous red swollen skin and I'm
not sure if it's from the ripping of the hair by the roots or if it's an allergic reaction to the
adhesive on the duct tape. Either way, the redness only intensified once I scrubbed the adhesive
residue from my lip. And thanks to these "green" grocery stores, everyone now uses recyclable
plastic bags which I can't exactly cover my head with for the whole oxygen thing. Hmmmmm.
I'm hoping that the ice pack I've got on my lip now does the trick before bedtime. My poor
husband is already going to have to deal with the fact that I didn't shave my legs. No reason
to give him nightmares on top of that, right?